ACTIVITY 7 : The three pillars of self-esteem
Self-image : this is the idea that each of us has of our own appearance and psychological identity. The way we look at ourselves.
“I’m young, I’m fat, I’m a fighter, I’m a loser…”
Very often it does not match the image that others have of us, because we are hard on ourselves. We know how to be our own worst executioners.
Self-love : it is the fact of accepting and loving the person we are. We love ourselves in spite of our faults, our limitations, our failures, because a “little voice inside” tells us that we deserve the love and respect of others, and especially of ourselves.
Self-love is given first of all by those around us: our family, our relatives, our school teachers. And the love of others, from childhood, influences us.
If a father regularly says to his son “you are a good-for-nothing”, the child will believe him and not love himself. If he tells him “I love you, you are my sunshine and you should be proud of yourself”, the child will love himself.
To love oneself is to be able to say: “I have such faults and such qualities, but I love myself exactly as I am!”
Self-confidence : is believing in one’s abilities, knowing one’s strengths, having faith in oneself and knowing that one has possibilities. ”I am capable of doing it, I have resources within me, I have experience, I am intelligent and motivated !”
Often, if you have a good self-image and love for yourself, confidence comes by itself.
Even when you fail, you put it into perspective and start again. “I will do better next time. I’ve learned something, that’s the main thing !”
In short, self-esteem is built on the three pillars we have just seen.
Self-esteem is an inner attitude that consists in telling oneself that one is valuable, unique and important. It is the judgement that we have of ourselves and that we carry about ourselves.
Be careful, because if one of the pillars weakens, the others will automatically weaken. It is therefore essential to constantly work on oneself in order to maintain a strong self-esteem, which will give us all the resources to face life and come out stronger!
How is self-esteem built ?
Self-esteem is developed through contact with others, because we are social beings.
It is forged from the very first years of our lives, with those around us. From childhood to adolescence and then into adulthood, our self-esteem is based on our contacts and experiences. This is what will determine, in our eyes, whether we are valuable or not.
When you are unemployed, your self-esteem can be affected because society leads you to believe that having a job and money is what makes you valuable. But our true value is determined by ourselves. It cannot be based on a job or money, knowing that everyone will go through a period of unemployment or financial hardship in their lives. If we had to wait for everything to be perfect before loving and respecting ourselves, we would all risk missing out on life and its joys.
Be aware of what you can do and know your strengths and limitations. This is all you need to maintain your self-esteem. You are important and unique.
Connect these 9 dots in 4 lines, without lifting your pen or pencil.
Here is a very good example: Let us discover the testimony of a man who did not want to define himself by a job, nor by his material possessions. His wealth was his busy life !
“I took a sabbatical life”
We worked on our limiting beliefs and realised that they were holding us back…
It’s like rowing out of the harbour without untying the boat. What wasted energy ! Let’s let go of the beliefs that are holding us captive and finally set sail as WE want to. Some of our beliefs are a real prison. It is a question of removing them one by one like sawing through bars.
All this happens in our heads. We have made our own, beliefs that have been handed down to us and that still limit us today, whereas the opportunities in life are infinitely more dense than what we have been led to believe!
Did André Brugiroux allow himself to be influenced by the “they say”, the beliefs and the fears of others? We have just spent a whole morning focusing our attention and energy on the so-called failure of “unemployment”. Society would like us to think so, but this afternoon we are going to change the labels. You will define yourself differently, according to your own codes !